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Two-story tall monstrosity of metal automatically finds application performance problems, destroys problems at source.
AUSTIN – April 1, 2008 – As network teams seek to ensure continued application performance according to the service level agreements entered into with backbone network providers, it becomes harder to make sure that you get the service you are contractually entitled to receive. To solve this problem, NetQoS® Inc. has launched NetQoS Destructobot v1.0, an automaton designed to seek and destroy network performance problems. Integrated laser arms give the Destructobot™ advanced troubleshooting capabilities.
“NetQoS Destructobot is the only flesh-rending robot that unites application performance monitoring metrics with a warped, blasé attitude towards human life,” said Steve Harriman, vice president of marketing for NetQoS. “This new network performance tool includes automatic and on-demand investigations to speed problem diagnosis and enhanced trend reports to aid planning for future deployments, all with a complete lack of anything resembling a human soul.”
NetQoS Destructobot v1.0 Capabilities:
Automatic and On-demand Problem Termination: Destructobot v1.0 troubleshoots faster by automatically investigating when a performance threshold, such as a certain number of retransmissions, is exceeded. The robot master can also initiate an investigation on demand at any time. Destructobot, not knowing human limitations, will not rest in either case until the problem is located and terminated.
No network overhead: Unlike some solutions, Destructobot v1.0 will not harm network application performance, or through inaction, allow network application performance to come to harm.
Advanced Reporting: Destructobot provides enhanced abilities to analyze where unused resources can be re-allocated, including information about how much metal is in a human body and how that metal can be used to increase throughput and decrease latency. These reports, which include per-capita statistics and can be provided within ten seconds of deployment, are especially useful for negotiating contracts with service providers.
Support for Distributed Environments: For customers with multiple locations to manage, a distributed configuration is available through the Destructobot Army option.
When the product was announced, there were some skeptics, such as Dr. Smith of Alpha Centauri Adventures, who said “I don’t see how this ludicrous lump of latency sniffing lasers will help me.”
However, two minutes interacting with the Destructobot demo and Dr. Smith became quite impressed with its capabilities.
“I’ll use this in my network!” Dr. Smith said. “I’ll use a thousand of them! Just call it off!”
“Destructive robot based technology is becoming mainstream in enterprise NOC centers and in military applications, and we plan to use NetQoS Destructobot to ensure that our customers are getting optimal performance, or else,” said Michael Funke, director of application development and monitoring for Wily Industries, Inc. “In addition, the Destructobot provides us with one platform that not only manages our network, but also crushes all those who oppose us along the WAN.”
NetQoS Destructobot, a recent winner of the Popular Mad Science Product of the Year Award, is available now at a starting price of $40,108. The NetQoS Performance and Domination Center portal is available to customers at no additional cost with the purchase of one or more NetQoS product modules.
Visitors to the United Nations may view a demo of Destructobot’s awesome destructive power at 12:00 noon on April 4th. For more information about Destructobot, go to http://www.netqos.com/solutions/destructobot/index.html
